creativejewishliving.com | Creating a Baby Naming Ceremony

Creating a Baby Naming Ceremony

Over the last seven years, Alon and I have created three baby-naming ceremonies for our three daughters. Each time we were drawing upon our experiences planning a Jewish wedding and the ideas of Anita Diamant in “The New Jewish Baby Book”. We created unique family rituals that reflect our creativity and spirituality, our love for Judaism and our sense of our community. We had an idea for each ceremony during the pregnancy but decided to wait until after each girl’s birth to plan the details.

    For our first daughter, Saffron, we were determined to host a ritual Bat Milah on the eighth day of her life, paralleling the requirement to host a Brit Milah, or ritual circumcision, if she had been a boy. The eighth day was a Shabbat, so our rabbi requested that we plan the ceremony for the following day. For our next two daughters, Bindi and Jasmine, we decided to mark their eighth days quietly at home with a family ritual, saving the community Bat Milah ceremony and celebration for 3-4 months later. We called each of them by their womb names until their eighth day, when we announced their names to friends and family around us. Then we created a “virtual Kaplan baby naming” by email, announcing their names and other details to our larger community around the world.
    A meeting with our rabbi, Rabbi Dan Shevitz of Mishkon Tephilo in Venice, California, set the stage for all three baby-naming ceremonies. Despite the fact that I’d given birth a few days earlier, I found myself engaged and excited by our conversation. Rabbi Dan’s idea was that we forgo written and spoken explanations of our rituals. Ritual is theatre and needs to speak its own language, he explained. We took his suggestion and pushed the theatrical possibilities.

    Saffron’s Bat Milah took place in the synagogue’s dark basement; we used this to our advantage. The ceremony began in the dark. Alon and I each lit a candle and used these to light a third, Saffron’s candle. Then, candle flames were passed around from person to person until the space around us glowed. Simultaneously we rang bells and passed around spices from our Havdalah set. As in Havdalah, the ritual ceremony that marks the conclusion of Shabbat, we were igniting the senses to delineate holy time. We led the community in singing “Ufros Aleinu, Sukkah Shlomecha (Spread over us Your shelter of Peace)” while four guests carried in our chuppah, made from my tallit, under which Alon and I were married five years earlier. [As the guests, who had invited each other by phone tree a few days before, gathered, we had chosen four women to hold the bamboo chuppah poles; we were blessing each of them with fertility-- three of them conceived later that year!]
    Under the chuppah stood an altar and Alon and I with Rabbi Dan. The altar contained wine, bells, spices, prayers and blessings to be read, candles, sea water in our hand-washing laver, and a garland. The garland of yellow/orange flowers, made by our dear friend Shakuntala, a Jewish Hari Krishna, celebrated Saffron Mala’s name (Mala means a garland in Hindi and Saffron is the holy yellow/orange color of her grandfather’s Northern India). Next to the chuppah was Elijah’s chair, covered in Indian saris. The bells and spices-- sounds and smells-- reminded us not only of Havdalah, but also of Indian worship. Staying true to Judaism with our songs and prayers, we were also reminding the community and ourselves of our multicultural background.
    Rabbi Dan welcomed the community and Alon’s mother brought Saffron into the circle. All four grandparents stood around the chuppah, just as they had during our wedding. We took turns reading poetry and prayers, blessings and thoughts about Saffron’s names. We sang, blessed and sipped wine, and invited friends to add their blessings. A friend, Sue, who is a Levi washed Saffron’s feet with the sea water and we blessed her with the priestly blessing. I sat in Elijah’s chair with Saffron in my lap and our mothers wrapped us in Alon’s tallit, just as they had during our wedding ceremony. As the lights came back on, Rabbi Dan grabbed his accordion to play “Siman Tov V’Mazel Tov”, firing up the group to spontaneously dance around us. Thus was named our beloved Sappira Malcha bat Alon Yehuda haCohen v’Nishima Rivka.

    Bindi’s Bat Milah took place four and a half years later in our backyard. We had recently moved to Asheville, North Carolina into a craftsman house with a cozy yard. The synagogue had no rabbi, so we were on our own. We invited family and community (see our invitation!) as well as a few musicians and a babysitter. Lots of people, kids, and food arrived. We gave everyone (men & women & children) a bindi to wear on their forehead.

We created a space on blankets next to our sukkah. The musicians sat under the sukkah and jammed for a while as everyone made their way into the space. Our same chuppah was held over us by four female neighbors, who symbolized the feminine warmth of God’s presence in their proximity to our new home. Under the chuppah were an altar, Alon, Saffron, and I. On the altar were wine, a garland, candles, spices and bells from our Havdalah set, prayers and blessings to be read, water in our hand-washing laver, and chocolates.

Our friend Coco called in the four directions, a Native American sacred tradition. My mother brought Bindi to us and our yogini friend Cat sang “the Bindi song” which she wrote and taught us in a “call and response” while strumming her guitar. We talked about Bindi’s name and the grandparents after whom she was named. We evoked the five senses with several prayers and blessings, spoken by guests. Saffron passed out chocolates to ignite everyone’s taste buds. We blessed and sipped wine, washed Bindi’s feet, blessed her with the priestly blessing, placed a bindi on her forehead and a garland around her neck. We wrapped ourselves in Alon’s tallit. Coco released the four directions, the chuppah was lowered, and the musicians played and sang. As we stood up, Cat pointed to the sky and a beautiful rainbow above us, auspicious on the sunny, cloudless day. Thus was welcomed into the community our beloved Batya Selilah bat Alon Yehuda haCohen v’Nishima Rivka.

Jasmine’s Bat Milah took place in the same backyard, three years later (two months ago). Family and community gathered, standing around the altar as Chris and Andy played drums. On the altar were wine, a garland, a bindi, spices and bells from our Havdalah set, prayers and blessings to be read, rainwater in our hand-washing laver, and ribbon. Four girls held our same chuppah. Leslie, our favorite Asheville grandmother, brought Bindi to us as we sag "Elohi Neshama, Shenata Bi, Tehora Hi (My God, the Soul you placed in me, It is Pure)". The four grandparents surrounded the chuppah; Alon, Saffron, Bindi, Jasmine and I stood under the chuppah. As the drumming ended, we passed the ribbon to those surrounding us, symbolizing the circle of protective connection around Jasmine. Alon led the ceremony, reciting blessings and prayers and talking about our wedding and our two other baby namings.
Saffron placed the garland around Jasmine’s head; Bindi placed the bindi on her forehead. We talked about her name and her grandparents after whom she is named. Our mothers wrapped the five of us in Alon’s tallit.

Nishima's father washed her feet. We gave her a taste of wine. Alon's father, a Cohen, blessed her with the priestly blessing.

After the rituals, we formed a large circle around both the altar and Jasmine in Nishima's mother’s arms.

Our friend Jan taught us all a song and dance from Tibet. We sang together “Rejoice in Happy Times Together, and Together Bear Adversity” followed by the Tibetan words for “Greetings, Life is Wonderful!” as we moved in a circle, blessing each other and Jasmine. As the song ended, we embraced each other on a high of love and thanks for the new daughter in our midst.

Thus was blessed by the community our beloved Yasmina Itiel bat Alon Yehuda haCohen v’Nishima Rivka.