A weekly festival in Judaism, Shabbat is the Head Cornerstone of a Jewish home. Shabbat begins Friday evening at sundown and continues for twenty-five hours until three stars can be seen in the sky on Saturday evening. Shabbat is “a palace in time”, writes Abraham Joshua Heschel in “The Sabbath”, his 101 page poetic meditation on the nature of the Jewish Sabbath.
For families (and individuals) who follow the traditional halacha (Jewish Law), Shabbat is filled with observances and restrictions. The two to three hour nap on Shabbat afternoon refreshes them not only for the week but also for the avodah, the work, of celebrating Shabbat. For those who are more liberal with their observances of Judaism, celebrating Shabbat can take various forms. Some people create a Shabbat observance that resonates with holiness for them and which follows a basic pattern week after week. Others appreciate the idea of Shabbat but do not have a regular observance.
I want to share our family’s Shabbat observance as an example of a Jewish family creating our own “palace in time”. I emphasize that while we are not following a strictly halachic observance, yet we have experienced such Shabbats and understand the purpose of the positive and negative requirements. Some people complain that Shabbat is “all about the negative, all about things you can’t do”. I disagree. My experience is that each negative requirement (for example don’t write, don’t cook, don’t watch t.v., don’t drive) can be turned around and seen as a liberation. We attempt to teach this to our children. For a long time, they railed against our “No T.V. on Shabbat” rule. When will Shabbat be over? they would ask each week. Lately, however, as Bindi has become older, they have settled into their Shabbat play together. This play has become so engaging that they have voluntarily stopped watching television during the week as well—yesterday we had the cable turned off (a $500/year saving)! While some t.v. shows are educational, I think most people can appreciate the liberation this means for a child’s mind and body.
If Alon and I understand the beauty of a traditional Shabbat, why do we choose to create our own rules? This is a big question that encompasses our choices of where to live, where to pray, whom to befriend, and how to spiritually refresh ourselves each week. Without exploring these questions, I will say that some rules don’t fit our personal vision of a luxurious Shabbat. Our intent each week is to make the Sabbath holy and to engage in spiritually and personally refreshing activities. Let me give an example. Rushing like crazy to finish preparations by sundown on Friday feels tense and upsetting to us, so we start Shabbat as soon as we can. Yet every single week we prepare special, wonderful food for Shabbat, in such abundance that we don’t have to cook before Sunday afternoon (and we can always host unexpected guests). The time and energy this frees up are remarkable. Instead of standing in the kitchen, we spend a lot of time sitting around the table together. We and our children truly look forward to our long, yummy Shabbat meals, especially the challah!
Our Shabbat requirements change over the years as our family evolves. From the beginning we knew the most basic element of entering holy Sabbath Time was to stop working. Before we had young children, however, we spent many hours on Shabbat afternoon walking together and talking about work. Although we would not turn on a computer, open the mail, or pick up a pen, we found that these hours of bringing Shabbat consciousness to discussions about our work life were very helpful to us. Many big ideas and decisions were discovered on Shabbat walks. Lately, however, we find that being more present and available to our children on Shabbat is our top priority. Putting aside thoughts and words about work makes us much more playful and loving. Our “special family time” on Shabbat is a great way to stop the children from getting restless for the computer or movies. It also brings us closer together to our children.
Entering the “palace” of Shabbat Time refreshes us deeply, week after week. We never get truly run down because we always have a “circuit-breaker”. Once in a while something happens that keeps us from our celebrating Shabbat in our usual way. The week after a lost Shabbat, we are more wiped out than ever. Luckily this never happens two weeks in a row! Lately we have stopped both attending Saturday morning services at the synagogue and inviting guests to our home on Friday evenings. With a new baby in the house and the adjustment to having three small children, we need the freedom to rest as much as we need to rest each week. Perhaps this new Shabbat practice of lying around the house for hours and hours is one of our secrets to sustaining our energy and creativity for our week of work and parenting.
If you are looking for your own Shabbat practice outside a very traditional community, I encourage you to take a few baby steps to experiment with creating a weekly Holy Time. Many people begin with Friday night: lighting candles, saying prayers, perhaps preparing a special meal, having challah and wine or grape juice. My experience tells me, however, that a true taste of Shabbat must eventually continue into Saturday. Reaching the moment when three stars appear in the sky and ending the day with a Havdalah ceremony are less important than spending the day resting: in other words, allow yourself to reach boredom and give yourself the chance to unwind. Let go of the other six days, both the ones before and the ones after. At the same time, make the seventh day- the Sabbath- special, unique and wonderful. Choose activities outside the mundane, secular world. Engage in activities you never seem to have time for. Sleeping, exercising, reading, connecting with others, sunbathing, even tidying the house may be the very nourishment you ache for.
Creating a new Shabbat practice with a family does have challenges. We have faced many already, and we don’t even have teenagers or soccer players yet. Each family must find its unique way to creating holiness, even a family living within a traditional Jewish community that provides a strong framework for observance. Having a Shabbat vision and clear goals- such as together time, rest, enjoyment, and appreciation of the holy- can help the family work together to make the day good. Open communication about what is working and what feels wrong is key. The awesome news is that there is plenty of time to figure this out, because amazingly, Shabbat comes every week.
|
